It's only times like these that I realize what I want to say. When I can stop, think and breathe. I m a truly selfish creature, this has been previously established but only now is it sinking in. Bruise her, free yourself only applies to me? I can freely hurt others so long as it satisfies my wants and needs? So concerned with the thoughts he may have, the things he may feel and the others he may say the same to. Sadly, that is what I am used to: the chase. But when you break it down "the chase" is nothing more than letting fake feelings justify the misbehavior of another. Being ignored made me love even more. It's all a game of hide and seek. You run, you hide. I seek, I stay. My pitiful lullaby can never be the cure. Be still, be calm, be quiet now my precious little boy. Don't struggle like that or I will only love you more. I am a wreck. Trying to decide is this what the situation dictates or is this more? My indiscretions never come into account. He must want to leave me because I'm not good enough. That's how it always goes. I've never felt good enough, I've never felt like I'm anything beyond a comfort to those that are broken. I always find the broken ones, the unavailable ones. Always. But I held onto something like hope... that someday, someone would care. That I'd be more than good enough, more than just an option. Breaking out of that mindset is hard. It's easier to doubt than it is to believe. But now the season has changed, the leaves are soon to start falling once once. And I believe I finally found what I've been searching for. It caught me off guard and I realized I was in deeper than I meant to let myself get. But... I am just fine. If I learn to let go, I'll learn that this is something good. Something worthwhile. I know that, I never questioned that. I want you, only you. And if I need to wait and stay, I know it's worth it.
and please don't drive me blind
* quotes - "Lullaby" by The Cure
- "Blind" by Placebo
